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A Discord Story...
https://www.npr.org/2024/01/17/1223674516/the-self-proclaimed-bipolar-general-is-waging-war-on-the-stigma-of-mental-illnes "Leow says people on the bipolar spectrum are often attracted by the way a military career rewards aggressive, daring behavior. Unfortunately, the intensity of that work can ignite severe symptoms, she says." The logic checks out another old phrase forgotten but now coming back when needed. Be aware, that this is a recount of past memories and processing the emotions and stress from dealing with an abusive friend, who once was relatively a good person. He has his own traumas and issues, and I wish him well, it just so happens that he did influence my life somewhat even though I used to feel like, no one will ever influence me... the thing is, when someone has a mirror-like personality, it do kind of become a problem. From personal experience, this is shared to perhaps help some other soul out there on the digital ocean of the net, to perhaps find comfort to know
Yesterday...
There's an atmosphere song called yesterday, look it up and you'll get a kick out of it. My father passed on yesterday in his sleep, he seemed to be in no pain. He got covid last week due to the facility he was at. His nutrition wasn't right as the staff messed up when they transferred him to another room. I spent yesterday dealing with grief and rage, even though I understand him being 96 years old didn't help any of this. I haven't been my usual cheery optimistic self, parts of my darker alter ego dark visage are seeping back in again. My identity to fit in with society, meanwhile the ego I try to live as the most aka Han One Sail is maturing more. It feels strange how after he passed on, I had less of a writer's block, I know why after analyzing why. I could not finish my novels quickly due to moving three times, manic episodes, and other reasons. However, what I often ignored was that part of why I can't finish them before my dad passes on is cause somewhere within my subconscious
The Storm Clears
Reread: https://www.deviantart.com/hanonesail/art/Ode-to-a-Meal-of-Life-342241415 - high school write Full circle, from a boy to a man, and the mental aging from psychedelics has always been a fascinating process to my mind. I used to want to remember most of my life, dmt made me stick on that, now it's important to affix characters to the shards of my past. In a way, they may move on by living in a fantasy world of missed connections, what could of been, and the perfect life I never could attain by age 30. "Leaving a lusting hunger for the past felt Causing us to be grateful for life Allowing us to cherish and live life This life is more than a meal Our gluttony may have spent it to the last But we pay for it as we must Ode to life we continue to its savory last bite" Nostalgia rewatch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFrgKlOO7Ao&ab_channel=DarkVisage In the past when we gamed we always yelled and told each other the other one sucked. As gaming became a source of any income, I ended
God and Caffeine...
Anger problems were all over my youth, but I remember when I was a small child, I was more graceful. So why was I so full of hate during my life prior to taking DMT during 2011. You know how they say, hate spreads, someone hurts one person and then that person hurts another. The religious trauma I experienced at the first preschool I attended was why. That's why my first kiss meant so much to me. And after experiencing love at such a young age, I was chemically bound to that memory. Anytime, I was sad, it was always a safety net from committing suicide. So deep down inside, it comes down to the importance of learning from how love and hate effect each other. Since at times, I did hate the fact that we became separated as I don't remember her ever breaking up with me. Perhaps the withdrawal from the afterschool we went to was the break up. And ever since that point, my anger was controlled much more than it originally was. I trained my anger management since I wasn't the nicest kid back
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